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Anytime. I say softly, just so the contents of my car are the only witnesses. I insert a random cd in my player and begin to turn away from Jenna's street. I relax into my chair as one of my favorite songs begins to play through the speakers, the effects immediate, as I morph into my more reflective side. My end-of-the-day persona that no one really sees too often.

Hello, good morning, how ya do?

What makes your rising sun so new?

I could use a fresh beginning too,

All of my regrets are nothing new

I guess I could say today was pretty eventful, not solely because of that brutal Geometry test I so evidently flunked, but mainly because today was the day. The day I spent with a real and physical Jenna. My doubts were clearly proven wrong today.

I might be getting a bit ahead of myself here, but you tend to do that when you've found someone as special as she was to me. Okay I admit it was stupid of me to leave the Sweeps cd in her locker, what was I thinking? I mean, she would have to be a complete moron to not realize that j_greene, Johnny Madden and the guitarist of that band are one person. All she had to do was to connect all the dots. Eventually of course, it will come out, but it would completely backfire if she happened to ask around and god forbid-- someone would tell her who I really was.

That I'm learning to breathe,

I'm learning to crawl.

I'm finding that You and

You alone can break my fall.

I'm living again, awake and alive.

I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hopefully, if it does backfire, she'll see through it and know that I really really care about her. I actually think I understand now, about her dad. From what I've collected it's just a cover. Something serious must have happened -- which is why she feels she has to keep lying. I just wish it didn't have to apply to me as well.

"What? Uh, sorry Anna.. but I'm really tired." I really was though. That goddamned geometry test took a lot of mental and physical energy. Well, not really physically, but still. It was pretty draining.

"But everyone's like, here with their significant others," She emphasizes, as if it's a big word that I wouldn't understand, "And I'm like, alone!! I wanna show you off babe..." Hints of desperation were evident, I knew. I usually wouldn't turn her down when she sounded that way, pleading girls always get the best of me. Hah hah. But I really did feel pretty drained. Plus, you know, when you get into a placid mood it's pretty hard to change.

"Anna! Don't be ridiculous," Though it wasn't, it really wasn't.. "I was just there anyway. I just got home now." I had finally stopped in front of my house and turned the engine off.

"When you cancelled I just asked a friend to come along and grab a bite." I said casually. Purposely leaving out that it was the girl I began to fall for since summer.

"So..." I said into the phone. It was like I was attempting to converse with the air. Tracy called just as I went online, so I closed the window and decided to check it later. This is like, the first call in like a month, and we've tried to talk from time to time.. but, it always ends up like this. Quiet.. awkward.

"Yeah..," She supplied. Gee, that made everything better. I started playing with my shoelaces patiently waiting for her to say something. Anything. "Um, so I went out with Steve today." STEVE again. Goddammit, does she think I really wanna hear about Him? Out of all the things she can say, she says this? What about all those times we doubled over laughing so hard? What happened to the feeling of exhilaration and excitement after running as fast as our legs could take us, especially after pulling a prank on one of the cheerleaders? What happened to my best friend? She's evaporated into the clouds that are frickin' raining on me right now.

"Well, Gee, Sorry. I just thought you were wondering how I've been doing, that's all." Oh no. She was taking this the wrong way. I could hear it from the tone of her voice.

"Well I'm sorry for so expecting you to care Jenna, really. I didn't mean to waste you're time like this. I should just go and leave you alone to hang with you're cool San Francisco friends now. God!! I'm trying to maintain our friendship here!! Geez!!! I shouldn't even have called-"

"Maintain a friendship?! MAINTAIN A FRIENSHIP?!! Who do you think you're kidding Tracy!" I was getting really fired up now. She has no right to be so self-righteous about this.

"Oh yeah?! You think ONE fucking call is going to MAINTAIN a friendship Tracy!!!! You never reply to my messages!! You barely return my calls!! You have no right saying that YOU'RE trying to maintain our friendship!" Okay so I was shouting.. this whole thing was really, really getting to me.

"I'M CALLING YOU NOW FOR CHRISSAKE!! I'm not perfect Jenna, not like you. Actually, I take that back. You've changed a lot since you moved." Her tone was icy and it stabbed me all right. Right in the heart.

"I'VE changed? Look at you!! You're like Steve's pet or something! You can't think for yourself anymore, you care about what everyone thinks about you! You're altering your whole personality to fit into someone else's! I thought you knew better than that, really."

"Why should I? I mean, this is practically the longest conversation we've had in the past few months! I try and ask you something to get the conversation flowing, but you just fucking blow me off everytime!! So don't try and be so fucking self-righteous alright?! You hurt me too. In more ways than one."

My confidante, a friend I thought I would keep for life. But one little bump in the road and she's gone. People change. It's the cycle of life, after all. Could I help it if I had just a wish, a glimmer of hope, that maybe.. maybe Tracy and I wouldn't, and we'd end up friends for life, never changing?