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- Chapter Eight -

"Evening miss.. Just here to buy my favorite daughter a gift for her birthday."

"Barbie's are a good choice sir. That'll be $20 sir." The cashier lady replied.

"Really? I never thought it would cost that much.. y'see, I never bought her these girly things. Wanted her to grow up strong, so I bought her a wagon. She hated me for it at first, but after a while she loved it. I thought I was doin' the right thing until her classmates at school made fun of her.. Told her she was a tomboy, see. Then she asked for one of those things, so I thought I'd make up for old times, see." Benjamin Lane explained.

"Oh, I see. Well sir, I'm sure she'll love this as much as she did her wagon." The cashier lady smiled.

"Thank you ma'am." Ben said as paid the $20 he left the store. Cold night.. best I get to the car quickly.. he thought, as he began to pick up the pace towards the red SUV.

"HEY MAN!!! Ya got some? What's that in the bag? Ya got stash my man? Huh?" a junkie asked. Tattered, worn out clothes that he probably just picked up from the trash, skin stained with dirt and blood from his wounds. His hair was messed up and he smelled foul, it was clear that he'd been a bum for quite some time now.

"Sorry, you must have me mistaken for the wrong person.."

"WHAT? You don't have my stash?! I paid 5 grand for that you motherfucker!!" The drug-addict pulled out a gun and pointed it at the man's head.
 
"It's just a doll for my daughter! Please don't hurt me! I don't have what you want!"

"You don't know a goddam thing 'bout what I want, you fucker!"

BANG.

   I woke up in the middle of the night suddenly.. drenched with cold sweat, shivering though there's no wind.. I looked around to make sure, to confirm that it wasn't real.. I had another one of them. I suppose I should get used to these things. These Nightmares. A gun shot, cars screeching.. I saw him again. I turn to my pillow, the closest witness to this vulnerability I have been trying to hide all these years.. Tears filled with regret drain my sense away, and I feel like a 6 year old once more.. Dave heard me from his room and came in, suddenly overwhelmed at the sight. I was never good at hiding my feelings.
"Jenna, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked urgently, filled with concern. "It was my fault!" I screamed to him. "It was my fault he's gone!! I wanted it so badly!! I hated him for it. I HATED HIM. It was so useless, and yet I wouldn't take no for an answer.. He went out to get it for me on my 7th birthday. I could've stopped him, I could've changed everything. He would still be alive. Dave, he would've been alive!" I bawled to him. "It wasn't your fault Jenna. It was that junkie's fault.. It's okay.. It wasn't your fault." Dave held me in his arms. I felt protected, safe again.. I couldn't take this.. this guilt. It never would've been this way if I hadn't.. tried to.. conform. All I wanted, was a barbie.. Just one god damned barbie and it changed my life forever.

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It's hard to wake up,

When the shades have been pulled shut.

I'm ripe with things to say,

The words rot and fall away..

What stupid poem could fix this home,

I'd read it everyday.

   I think about Jenna a lot.. Even more these days, since I finally see her in person. But whenever I think about her, eventually my thoughts go back to that day. The day I asked her about the wagon. Seeing as she snapped at me so quickly goes to show she was hiding something. I'll find out why, I don't believe that bullshit about her dad running off. It's more than that, I just know. I know I could be wrong, but something inside me is telling me otherwise.

Ah, there he is.

"Hold on Steve, gotta talk to Marcus." I said to Steve, and walked away to Marcus. He was drinking from a water fountain while I walked over to him and leaned on the wall beside.

"Hey Marcus." I said coolly as he choked on his water.

"Dammit Johnny, stop scaring me like that." Marcus said.

"Couldn't help it. Hey, I need help with something man." I laughed but still looked serious.

"What's up brotha?" He joked.

"I need you to tell me more about the new kids. Meaning that Jenna girl. What do you know?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"Oh? Uh.."

"Come on man just tell me!!!"

"Well..." began Marcus, "I met them over the summer coz they live on the other end of the street.. Name's Jenna Lane, and her brother's Dave. They're pretty cool. I hang with her brother most of the time, we go to the skate park and stuff, and from what I know his sister usually stays at home in front of her computer chair.. Oh, except those times we go to those gigs and stuff. Yeah, she's pretty hot huh? Hey, why are you so curious about her anyway?" He said.

"Ok thanks-"

"It was you wasn't it? You did it?" A female voice said from behind me. I turned around to see it was Mona Flaire looking quite... pissed off.

"Huh? Uh, did what?" I knew what she meant. I'm not that stupid.

"The cd. You put it in her locker!! What kind of crap are you trying to pull off this time Johnny?! Just stick to your fuckin' groupie okay? She's not like that!!" She said angrily.

"I KNOW she's not like that okay!! Just calm down Mona, I just wanna get to know her. She seems cool." I said defensively.

"Oh please!" Mona said sarcastically.

"Mona, just let him do his thing, he hasn't hurt anyone yet. Aside from the hearts of half the population here, consisting of females and homos." He said. That moron..

"Whatever. I'm not going along with this alright?!" Mona said exasperatedly.

"Mona, please. Just don't tell her anything okay? I'll do it on my own, but I don't want you to ruin it. Can I trust you?" I begged.

"... Oh alright. But if something goes wrong, I'm going straight to her." She said, defeated.

"Thank you!" I hugged her tightly, knowing it would bug her.. She pushed me away fiercely.

"Don't push it Johnny. Your groupie's on the loose and I don't wanna get caught." She joked.

"Don't remind me.." I groaned. Seeing Anna right now will completely ruin my plan.

"Gotta go guys, see ya later!" I began to walk away. Can't wait another day, I gotta talk to her now..

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"Hmm. Nice sketching. Shading's a bit overdone though. Are bunnies that demented?" A voice broke my concentration. 

"Excuse me?? Please mind your own business." I kept my drawing in my bag, not bothering to see who it was, all I knew was that it was a guy.. or a girl with an insanely low voice.

"Just thought I'd give you some advice... Oh alright, let's start over. I'm Johnny." He gave me a smile, I jumped a heartbeat.

"You're name's Johnny?" I turned and asked, just to make sure I heard right.

"Yeeaahh, Johnny Madden. Jenna, am I right?" He asked. I noticed how his bright green eyes seemed to twinkle.. What is with this guy..

"How'd you know my name?" I asked, suddenly skeptical. He sat beside me on the grass. He was wearing a black Casualties shirt, and brown cargos.. and messy hair trying to get out of the beanie he was wearing.. Okay fine. So he's hot. He still had bad manners.

"I got my sources.." He winked. I snorted.

"Fine, snort. But just so you know--" He got up but bent towards my left ear. "That drawing was really cool." His voice was soft but low, as if trying to hint something more than what he just said.. His breath tickled my ear, giving me an internal shudder. I turned around to see if he was still there, but he was already walking away.

"Hey Jenna." Jean and Andy came and sat down beside me, both smiling widely.

"Hey." I said in reply. "....... Okay what's up, those smiles are starting to freak me out."

"Saw you talking to Johnny Madden." Andy said proudly.

"So you like seniors, huh?" Jean teased.

"Whoa, whoa. Whoever thought we would engage in, what's the word... oh, right. GOSSIP." I said sarcastically.

"Oh come on Jen. So we hate society. Doesn't mean we've become heartless wenches, not to everyone at least. So what did he want?" Andy asked as she took a bite out of her sandwich.

"Ha. Ha. I was just drawing, minding my OWN business and he just butts in and tells me my shading's off." I said, still slightly shaken from that whisper thing.

"Aww how sweet." Jean said sarcastically.

"He's so hot though, isn't he?" Andy commented.

"REALLY hot." Jean commented next. They both looked at me, expecting feedback.

"Whoa, am I with the same people here?" I said and feigned worry.

"Oh come on Jenna. Admit it." Jean said as she and Andy began talking about this gig coming up. Okay so he was really really good-looking. Not exactly the whole chiseled face crap, though his features are very distinct. He seemed like the nerdy-cool-type Oh god.. I am so not going to think about this. HE JUST TOLD YOU YOUR DRAWING WAS WEIRD. Oh wait, he said it was cool. whaaaat... oh never mind.

-jennasredwagon has entered the chatroom-

diabolical-emily : Could we have anything more in common?! Okay one more and I give up. Twisted Sister?

j_greene : lol. How could I not? hey jenna.. :)

jennasredwagon : hello..

diabolical-emily : okay. wow. some sort of connection huh? :)

j_greene : yeap.. One more? QuickTurn?

diabolical-emily : Are you kidding me?! They're like the best band! Guess what, I saw their show in Minnesota!

j_greene : WHAT.

diabolical-emily : I did!! I swear!

j_greene : no way.

diabolical-emily : wayyy. :)

jennasredwagon : i'm gonna go now... later j.

-exited chatroom-

  
  Okay, I don't understand what just happened. I was overcome by emotion and just angrily left the chatroom. It's not like he can't talk to any other girl or something, jeez. Why am I reacting like this? Is it really.. jealousy? About what? It's not like I have feelings for Johnny.. Do I? Uggghhhh..

    Oh god, it's been confirmed. I do have feelings for Johnny. I mean, why else would I get so affected by diabolical-emily? When I think about it, he's on my mind pretty often. I mean, it's weird but I can point almost anything out and relate it to Johnny.. Does that make sense? And seeing him online gives me such a strange, happy feeling.. it automatically makes my day. Wait, wait. This can't work. It won't. Online relationships? No. I don't want it to happen.. And why am I suddenly jumping to conclusions? I mean, what made me even THINK he remotely liked me in that way? Hah hah. And I wonder why my brother calls me a moron.