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Monday, December 18, 2006
Chapter 15
*Johnny's Point of View*
I was of course aware that sooner or later she was going to find out. I mean, I knew it was a matter of time but I didn't think it'd be TODAY.
jennasredwagon: ARE YOU THE GUITARIST OF THE SWEEPS- my ultimately favorite band of all time?!
j_greene: What? What makes you say that??
jennasredwagon: Well, um... I don't know really. Umm, I saw the message on the updates part and I went to the website... I'm sorry, it's probably the stupidest thing you've ever heard. Forget I said anything okay?
jennasredwagon: So ANYWAY. How was your day?
j_greene: hahah!
j_greene: Jenna. You are weird. Have I said that already?
jennasredwagon: More than a couple of times yes...
j_greene: and I know that this isn't going to stop bothering you...
jennasredwagon: Yes, it won't, truthfully...
j_greene: So I'm going to answer your question.
j_greene: Yes, I'm part of The Sweeps. =)
jennasredwagon: OMFG! OMFG!! Are you serious? Because this is totally not funny.
j_greene: What, you don't believe me?
jennasredwagon: Well.. It just makes so much sense you know? okay fine. I believe you. But I'm still in shock! I can't believe it.
j_greene: hahaha. You crack me up sometimes. ; )
j_greene: Oh no, I lost track of time. I gotta go! I promised some friends I'd meet them at some place. It's going to be a drag.
jennasredwagon: So why are you going?
j_greene: well... I don't know actually. Anyway, I'll catch you later alright? See you!
j_greene: Keep my little secret safe alright? Bye Jenna. =)
-Exited Chatroom-
I turned off my computer, grabbed the car keys and my coat on the way out the door. Although it was a school night (Plus my parents are both working late), I have wanted to see this new band finally playing somewhere close by. I got in my car and drove to Anna's house. I was meeting her and some of her friends there and we'd take my car from there. Truth be told I have been having mixed feelings when it comes to my relationship with her. We've been together for a while now and I'm beginning to think that maybe the already-dim spark just isn't there anymore.
I know that I've been detached mostly since all I can think about is Jenna, I have a feeling Anna's beginning to notice since she's been acting quite differently too. Anyway, I'll talk to her later at the club and maybe we can sort things out.
I walked up the stairs to the front door and rang the doorbell. Deciding that it was beginning to get cold (damn October weather!) I zipped up my jacket and patiently waited for someone to open the door. A couple of seconds later there was still no answer, so I rang one more time.
"Hi.." I'm greeted by this out-of-breath blonde girl with a rather busty top. Don't ask me about fashion, but it looked preeeetty cheap to me. And not the financial term.
"Er, hey Allison..." Dude, they're HUGE. "Um.. You guys ready?" I am such a moron. Although they seem to be enjoying the attention... HER! NOT THEM! Don't look at me, I'm just a guy.
"Just a second Johnny, Anna's still getting ready." Allison stepped aside for me and I entered the house and sat myself on the living room sofa. It always amuses me how long girls take to get ready. I mean they sure do clean up nice, but I don't see why it's necessary to take so long.
Ten minutes and 56 seconds later Anna and her friends were finally ready and walked out the door with me trailing behind– pretty much on the verge of suffocating from all the cologne and other products they bathed themselves in. If there's one thing I need bribing to do, it's having to endure 20 minutes of non-stop girl talk. It's a good thing Anna offered me a pizza, or I'd have broken my neck from slamming my head on the dashboard.
The bands at the show did not disappoint at all, which left me in a good mood and inspired to write a new song. It was getting pretty late, and I'd promised to be home at a certain time, so I had gone around the place looking for Anna. A little after the first band I'd seen her disappear for a bit, I assumed it would be another trip to the bathroom but she hadn't come back since. "Hey Gina, have you seen Anna?" I asked the girl who was almost completely passed out on a couch, beside a guy who seemed to be looking at his newest prize. Man, this is what I hate about girls who dress sluttily. They're treated the same way and don't seem to have a problem with it. "Wha? Johnny? S'that you?" She asked, her words slurring from the bouts of alcohol she consumed. "Yeah, have you seen Anna?" I asked once more. "Yeah. She's… she's backstage with the drummer." As soon as she finished the sentence Gina looked at me with an evil smile. "Oh. Uh, alright. I'll go look for her then—" "Johnny.. you DO know why she's cheating on you righttt?" Gina says slowly, taking another gulp of her maybe eighth bottle of beer. "Pardon?" "Totally man… she's probably making out with that dude Jason now…" Gina was right. The moment I heard the voices in the parking lot behind the building I knew it was her. The weird thing was that I hadn't felt anything. It's like I was numb from the time I called Anna to talk to her, broke up with her and drove myself home, I'd felt nothing but maybe a little relief. Then I started to feel better, since I'd been feeling this weight on my shoulders, now it's finally gone. The best part is that I can finally think about Jenna without feeling so guilty.
"Johnny, you okay? You've been acting like that since this morning man." "Steve, can't a guy be a little happy?" I answered. "But dude… you look like you're on a pill." "Well then maybe I am." I said as I stuffed my books into my locker, about to go to lunch. "JOHNNY! DUDE!" A loud voice called from the other side of the hallway. When I turned, I saw that it was Marcus running up to us. "Hey Marc-" "Dude, it's true? You broke up with Anna?" Just when I thought gossip was only for girls! "Yes it's true." By the time I finished my story we were all sitting on the grass outside, the same place where I had first talked to Jenna. It was at the back of our school buildings, a portion of the field reserved for, in my opinion, the people who don't do outdoor sports but need the sunlight. The big trees and wooden benches mixed with the autumn breeze make it a cozy hangout for people nowadays, which explains why I'd been observing Jenna and her friends from a few feet away. "So both of you are okay with each other now?" Marcus asked, chewing on a piece of pizza. "Yeah I guess so. She seemed a little frustrated with me at first though." I replied. I didn't have to look to far to see Anna and her group of friends, more or less the same people I'd seen last night. They seemed to be fawning over the t-shirt Gina brought with autographs, undoubtedly yesterday's band. After a few seconds, Anna turned in my direction as if she sensed me looking at her. She smiled shyly and gave a small wave, which I returned by waving back. "Things look okay, I guess…" Steve said, observing my interaction with Anna. "Yup. They're about to get better."
No words except I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. Thank you so so so much to all the people who insisted on reviewing despite the long, long, LONG overdue. School has been so much more demanding than I thought this year. I hope you bear with me throughout the story! Thank you so much again! Happy holidays to you all. =)
Jenna & Johnny: 
Please know that these pictures aren't actually Jenna and Johnny in real life. These are merely people who I think resemble my fictional characters.
Posted at 09:26 pm by whatshername88
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Sunday, April 30, 2006
Chapter 14 – Part One
Ring…
Riiiinnngg…
Riiiiiinnnnnggggggg…
A dead tone followed soon after. Dammit, she still won’t pick up. I sighed defeatedly and lay back down on my bed. After the skate park I went straight home and attempted to call Tracy. Jack was right, I couldn’t just throw away our friendship away after one bump on the road.
‘But it wasn’t just a bump… this isn’t one of those problems that you can just fix in a snap.’ A voice at the back of my head nagged me.
That’s true. This is the kind of problem most friendships usually end with. The beginning of change. The one thing you can’t control; when it hits there’s no telling what could happen. If the relationship, the bond, isn’t strong enough then the only thing left to do is pick up the pieces and move on..
Was I such a fool to believe that my friendship with Tracy could withstand the change time brings? That the kind of bond we shared was strong enough to transcend time? Maybe it was, it used to be. But that old bond might’ve kicked me in the ass just about now. Either way, it’s worth another try. I won’t be able to have closure about this whole issue until I know I’ve at least made an effort to ‘save’ our friendship somehow. I set the phone back on it’s cradle and got off my bed. I told myself to try again tomorrow but for now……..
‘Welcome to LetsRockToday where everyone is stickin’ it to the man. Remember to observe proper chatting etiquette and remember, Rock ‘n’ Roll will save your soul! Rock on!!
This week’s news : The Lost Marbles will be performing at Gina’s Kitchen on Friday, Acoustic night. Catch them at 7pm onwards with a couple of other bands like SandwichHeads and also Pete Hammon & The Sidekicks!
Indie/Rock band The Sweeps have finally set up their website! Check it out here .
The Sweeps!! I hovered my mouse on the word ‘here’ and clicked on it. The link led me to a new window and as I waited for it to finish loading the excitement and suspense began building up. I twiddled my thumbs impatiently for a few more seconds. When it finally loaded, the short paragraphs opened, followed by a gig schedule and a banner of the guys, only I couldn’t see their faces (because the picture was taken from the back). It was of four guys, one with natural wavy, dirty blond hair wearing a brown shirt, a stocky guy wearing a green jacket and had poof-y brown hair, a semi-skinny pale guy wearing a dark gray t-shirt and had messy jet-black hair with blue streaks all over and finally a guy with messy brown hair underneath his beanie, wearing a black army-looking jacket. I looked down at the menu as one of their songs called “I Take It Back” began to play. I sang along softly as I was deciding which link to click first, but after a second or two, I clicked on Pictures.
Upon loading though, there were no pictures and it only said it was temporarily unavailable and that I should check back again later. Oh well, I thought, and rather disappointedly clicked on Biography next.
To worsen my disappointment, the biography was only composed of one sentence:
“We’re just a bunch of morons who decided that playing video games and eating junk food wouldn’t get us anywhere close to being rockstars, so we decided to start a band.”
I laughed at the comment, thinking that it would be cool to be friends with guys like them, their humor seems to be an important part of their life, aside from the passion they have for making music. I scrolled down a little and was surprised that they had a “spoofed” list of members. It seemed o be the only thing I would learn about them at the moment, so I figured I’d read it anyway.
* Afro Man – drums/back-up vocals
* Gregmeister – rhythm guitar and lead vocals
* Saint Jimmy – bassist/back-up vocals
* Greeney – lead guitar/vocals
And then it hit me.
JGreene has a band.
His last name is Greene.
He plays lead guitar.
His band plays indie/rock.
THE SWEEPS play indie/rock.
I gasped aloud and pushed myself away from the computer. (You know, it’s a good thing my computer chair has wheels, else I would’ve fallen over.)
It couldn’t be. Could it?
Did I want it to be true? Hell yes!
But he hasn’t said anything about it.
Maybe he didn’t want anyone to act differently around him… That’s usually the reason, isn’t it?
So what do I do now?! I continued to argue with myself.
I mean, I can’t really be expected to act normally when this time I’ve liked this guy who just turns out to be the guitarist of my all-time favorite band?! That is so much more appealing and I’m a teenager with unstable hormones!!
Okay, allow me to beat myself with my 10-pound Social Studies book now.
Just breathe Jenna, He probably isn’t. I mean he probably hasn’t even heard of The Sweeps his whole life!!
Yeah. It’s totally not him.
Phew! Good thing I got over that soon enough.
* Private message from j_greene *
*j_greene: Jenna? You there?
*j_greene: Hellooo…?
Ohmyfuckinggod. What do I do?!
Act normally.
*jennasredwagon : Hi..
That’s it. Be casual. Make small talk. Everything will be fine, you’ll forget about it before you eve–
*jennasredwagon : ARE YOU THE GUITARIST FROM THE SWEEPS– my ultimately favorite band of ALL TIME?!
*Ahem* I couldn’t help it okay? My hands have a life of their own, honest!
Posted at 06:08 am by whatshername88
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Saturday, February 25, 2006
Chapter 13 - Here We Go Again
"Err, sis? Are you okay?" Dave said as he slowly opened the door to my room.
I replied with a muffled groan and a lazy wave of my hand. I was lying face down on my bed, partially because I was trying to forget everything that just happened and hopefully, my position would, I dunno.. suffocate me or something.
"Well, mom says you need to lower the volume 'coz she has this big meeting tomorrow and has to wake up really early.." He finished slowly, not sure what to do. I don't blame him, I'm a wreck and I know it.
I managed to say 'ok', though still muffled, as I hear the door close. I turned myself over but kept my eyes closed. I'm sure he heard every word of that phone call and thought I was some sissy little sister fighting over a lollipop or something. I'm embarrassed, yet I don't regret a thing I said. She needed to hear the truth, especially from her best friend.
Ex-best friend, no less.
Now that I look back on it, our friendship has slowly been deteriorating since I left. Sure it was going pretty well the first few weeks, but that's always the way it is.. While you're full of hope and faith that you'll get through it, that opportunity starts slipping away from your grasp, slowly.
It used to be easy,
Talking to you.
It used to be Heaven,
falling for you.
I managed to sigh heavily as I lazily pull myself up, adjusting my brown Wonder Woman shirt that had rode up my back while I had been lying down as I walked over to my radio. The Sweeps were currently playing Story of Us, a song I pretty much knew by heart.
Creepy as it is, I never found out who gave me the cd, but I sure as hell am greatful they thought I had good taste in music. Haha. I had actually disregarded it for a couple of days, but then I guess I thought, what the hell, I'll see what they're about. To my surprise, they've become on of my favorite bands. It's weird though, I have no other clue about this band whatsoever.
I lower the volume and set it to sleep, 30 minutes seeing as I wasn't fit for anything tonight aside from sleep. If I tried to dissect the 'incident' one more time, I think I'd explode from all this confused tension bottled up. It's weird how a problem can be as physically draining as it is mentally and emotionally.
I lumber to my bathroom and change into my 'sleeping' clothes, consisting of an oversized t-shirt and boxer shorts. Comfort clothes, I think as I collapse on my soft, soft bed..
Everything just gets blurry from there, though I do hear the faint sound of music...
Why don't you tell me,
What went wrong, tell me
Why'd you change?
Unfamiliar, you've become strange...
Damn him.
Damn him for torturing us like this.
Really, what makes him think ANYONE is interested in the "Positive and Negative points of Sinicization in Vietnam", "Indianization in Thailand" and fuckin' Islamicization in damned Indonesia?!
This is so goddamn boring.
As if it was a gift from God, a scrap of paper flies onto my table. I was pretty spaced out, so I just saw it appear there, not really knowing where it came from. I open the note,
Hey Jenna, are you doin anything after school?
I'd ask u later but I had to do SOMETHING
in this class before I officially pass out.
I looked around, more awake and looked for who could've passed the note to me. I was starting to get creeped out at not knowing who send me the note, I am suddenly greeted by Andy's expectant face.. err,
Right beside me.
Uh, yeah, of course it was her. Duh, who else?
Ahem.
I quickly scribbled a 'no, why?' and passed it back to her when Mr. White turned around to expose his shiny bald head with a ring of black and gray hair around it. Sick.
To my relief, the paper was passed back to me.
You know Jack skateboards right?
Well, he's goin to the skate park later
to practice for an upcoming competition,
wanna come with? Jean and Mona are comin' too.
Aha, something for me to do instead of waiting for Dave in detention. I've been to the skate park a couple of times, thanks to Marcus and Dave over the summer, so it should be fun. I replied with a 'Sounds great!' and tossed it back to her, and slumped my head on mudesk, in hope of drowning out Mr. White's heinous voice.
Thankfully, I didn't have to do that because a couple of seconds later the bell rang, and everyone hurriedly packed their things faster than you could say Sinici-....
Sin-...
Sinci-...
oh, WHATEVER word that was he kept mentioning.
Creep.
* * *
"Uhm.. so you're sure you know how to ride a skateboard?" He asks, worry carved all over his face.
I firmly put my first foot, covered in my black and green pair of Etnies Callicuts, on the center of the board and replied coolly, "Trust me Jack.. I know my way around these things.." I smiled with obvious confidence.
NOT.
Boy, was I wrong.
How was I to know it would completely backfire?
Of all times for a skateboard to fail me. I mean I admit I'm barely a beginner, but today it just HAD to fail me.. and worse, right in front of Jack.
Man did that concrete hurt my ass.
It's not funny considering I had my keys in the back pocket.
No, really. It's not funny.
Stop laughing. No, stop.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD!! MY ASS IS BLEEDING!!" I leaned on my side, still collapsed on the floor, gracefully...
Well... grabbing my ass.
Is groping a better word?
"Fuck!! Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!" I screamed in pain. DAMN those keys!!!
Damn them!!
When Jack was able to regain his composure (argh!) he bent over and looked at me, humor still written all over his face.
"Holy shit!! Jen, that was hilarious!! The way you sorta flew into the air for a second-" Noticing how red I was getting, not out of pain (not really at least) but out of rage, he stopped himself. "Well, I mean... are you okay?"
"Oh shut up Jack." I sat up slightly, propped up on my elbows. He sat down beside me, doing the same.
I turned sharply to the side and narrow my eyes at Jack, for he was chucking again.
At me.
Gee, I should start thinkin' about making it in the entertainment industry.
Hahahaha.
Not.
"So.." He begins, staring off into the sky. We were alone in this area of the skate park, a secluded area on a sort of hill. The heat of the sun blocked by the wall of the building beside the park, we were so much higher that we could see all the other verts below us.
I remember when Marcus and Dave brought me here over the summer I instantly fell in love with this area. Aside from the small ramp and handrails it was just a big wall covered in graffiti, mostly of confessions, regrets, beliefs and beautiful, unnoticed artwork. It gave me a sense of belonging because it was a comfort to know that other people had problems too, that life wasn't all it was perked up to be.
I voiced this out to Jack as he surveyed the view that lay in front of him, the big concrete depressions and verts, all the while listening to me. I looked ahead as well, admiring the view. There were lots of skaters, flying high into the air, doing their respective tricks, while a bunch of skater groupies squealed and clapped.
By skater groupies I mean a bunch of trashy-dressed girls who want nothing more than to get a "cool" skater boyfriend, not realizing that the skaters are only looking for a good time. They pretend that they understand how much skateboarding is to skaters, oooh-ing and aaah-ing every time they see something even remotely trick-like. Kinda pathetic, I know.
Jean, Andy, Mona and Matt went off to look for food and I volunteered to stay with Jack. He was practicing for this amateur skating competition coming up this November, to be frank, I really didn't think he needed it. He was so fucking awesome.
"Yeah, I come up here all the time.. I started joining skate comps in my freshman year. This place, it's like... I dunno Jen, it's like some sort of sanctuary for people like me you know?" He replied, his blue eyes were twinkling. It was obvious he has had a passion for skateboarding for quite some time now.
"Hmm, what do you mean, 'people like you'?" I asked.
"Well, you know, the whole misunderstood-looked-down-on-and-persecuted-for-my-beliefs thing." He says flashing me a lopsided smile. "This skatepark is a place for me to.. well, not be so afraid to be myself."
"Yeah," I said with a laugh. "I get it Jack.. don't worry." I said with a sincere smile. An applause coupled with loud cheers came from one of the verts on the far left, apparently this guy just pulled off this really hard trick. Not that I knew what it was though. I looked back at Jack, he looked so peaceful and serene while I was full to the brim with worry and stress.
"I just had a really big fight with my best friend.." I blurted out before I could control myself. "From Washington I mean..." I sat up straighter, leaning my arms on my knees. I saw a scrap of hard plastic and started playing with it, keeping my head down.
"What happened? If you don't mind me asking I mean.." He was looking straight at me now, I could feel his gaze, but I forced myself to keep looking down, focused at the piece of plastic in my hands.
"When I left, she started hanging out with this guy, who we really didn't like before, and well, so they started dating and all. I just kept my mouth shut and tried to be all happy for them, but she started changing you know? She started to think bands we used to love were "lame and redundant." I looked at him when I said this, lifting my hands to do the quotation marks for more emphasis, "She was altering her personality for the guy, and we talked less and less as the weeks flew by, and well, when I brought it up she totally took it the wrong way and there.." I abandoned the piece of plastic for the laces of my shoe, too afraid to look at Jack.
He must think I'm stupid.
"I understand Jen, really I do." He gently put a hand on my arm. "I hate it when things like that happen.. Though if you really value your friendship, I don't think you should just leave it in the past. I mean, just because you have a lot of new friends here," To which I snorted rather masculinely, "Don't pretend you don't Jenna. You've become pretty popular here, for a new kid." He took this opportunity to ruffle my greenish black hair.
"Anyway, as I was saying, just because you have a lot of new friends here doesn't mean you should let go of the old ones ya know?"
"Yeah of course Jack.. I would never do something like that.."
"Good." He said looking at me with another lopsided smile. God it looked so nice, I couldn't help smiling too, temporarily forgetting about my problems.
I wish I never had to remember.
Posted at 11:33 pm by whatshername88
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Saturday, January 21, 2006
Chapter 12
- Remains of the Day -
"Anytime Jenna." I said as I began to switch gears.
Anytime. I say softly, just so the contents of my car are the only witnesses. I insert a random cd in my player and begin to turn away from Jenna's street. I relax into my chair as one of my favorite songs begins to play through the speakers, the effects immediate, as I morph into my more reflective side. My end-of-the-day persona that no one really sees too often.
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Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too,
All of my regrets are nothing new
|
I guess I could say today was pretty eventful, not solely because of that brutal Geometry test I so evidently flunked, but mainly because today was the day. The day I spent with a real and physical Jenna. My doubts were clearly proven wrong today.
Jenna is just as genuine as she is on the net.
I can still talk to her as easily as online, conversation just flows endlessly.
And most importantly,
I think we might actually have a chance at this whole thing.
I might be getting a bit ahead of myself here, but you tend to do that when you've found someone as special as she was to me. Okay I admit it was stupid of me to leave the Sweeps cd in her locker, what was I thinking? I mean, she would have to be a complete moron to not realize that j_greene, Johnny Madden and the guitarist of that band are one person. All she had to do was to connect all the dots. Eventually of course, it will come out, but it would completely backfire if she happened to ask around and god forbid-- someone would tell her who I really was.
That I'm learning to breathe,
I'm learning to crawl.
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall.
I'm living again, awake and alive.
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hopefully, if it does backfire, she'll see through it and know that I really really care about her. I actually think I understand now, about her dad. From what I've collected it's just a cover. Something serious must have happened -- which is why she feels she has to keep lying. I just wish it didn't have to apply to me as well.
Maybe, one day...
One day she'll know that I understand.
......
'Beep beep!! Beep beep!!'
"Hello?" I say into my mobile phone as the traffic light signaled red.
"Hun!!! Meet me in Vicky's now okay?" It was Anna.
"What? Uh, sorry Anna.. but I'm really tired." I really was though. That goddamned geometry test took a lot of mental and physical energy. Well, not really physically, but still. It was pretty draining.
"But everyone's like, here with their significant others," She emphasizes, as if it's a big word that I wouldn't understand, "And I'm like, alone!! I wanna show you off babe..." Hints of desperation were evident, I knew. I usually wouldn't turn her down when she sounded that way, pleading girls always get the best of me. Hah hah. But I really did feel pretty drained. Plus, you know, when you get into a placid mood it's pretty hard to change.
"Anna, I'm really tired. Honest."
"Why?! Why don't you wanna be with me??" She was getting insecure.
"Anna! Don't be ridiculous," Though it wasn't, it really wasn't.. "I was just there anyway. I just got home now." I had finally stopped in front of my house and turned the engine off.
"WHAT? With who? Why?!" Could she not fathom that I had a social life too?
"When you cancelled I just asked a friend to come along and grab a bite." I said casually. Purposely leaving out that it was the girl I began to fall for since summer.
"Oh.. well.. okay."
"Yeah."
"So um, I'll talk to you later ok?"
"Sure thing. Bye-"
"And baby?"
"Yeah?" I don't even know why I respond to that.
"I... I love you."
And she hung up.
*Jenna's POV*
"So..." I said into the phone. It was like I was attempting to converse with the air. Tracy called just as I went online, so I closed the window and decided to check it later. This is like, the first call in like a month, and we've tried to talk from time to time.. but, it always ends up like this. Quiet.. awkward.
Different.
"Yeah..," She supplied. Gee, that made everything better. I started playing with my shoelaces patiently waiting for her to say something. Anything. "Um, so I went out with Steve today." STEVE again. Goddammit, does she think I really wanna hear about Him? Out of all the things she can say, she says this? What about all those times we doubled over laughing so hard? What happened to the feeling of exhilaration and excitement after running as fast as our legs could take us, especially after pulling a prank on one of the cheerleaders? What happened to my best friend? She's evaporated into the clouds that are frickin' raining on me right now.
"Trace?"
"Yeah?"
"Do we always have to talk about Steve?"
"Well, Gee, Sorry. I just thought you were wondering how I've been doing, that's all." Oh no. She was taking this the wrong way. I could hear it from the tone of her voice.
"Well I'm sorry for so expecting you to care Jenna, really. I didn't mean to waste you're time like this. I should just go and leave you alone to hang with you're cool San Francisco friends now. God!! I'm trying to maintain our friendship here!! Geez!!! I shouldn't even have called-"
"Maintain a friendship?! MAINTAIN A FRIENSHIP?!! Who do you think you're kidding Tracy!" I was getting really fired up now. She has no right to be so self-righteous about this.
"What the hell are you talking about!!! I'm calling you now aren't I!" She was on the verge of shouting.
"Oh yeah?! You think ONE fucking call is going to MAINTAIN a friendship Tracy!!!! You never reply to my messages!! You barely return my calls!! You have no right saying that YOU'RE trying to maintain our friendship!" Okay so I was shouting.. this whole thing was really, really getting to me.
"I'M CALLING YOU NOW FOR CHRISSAKE!! I'm not perfect Jenna, not like you. Actually, I take that back. You've changed a lot since you moved." Her tone was icy and it stabbed me all right. Right in the heart.
I was talking to my best friend in the world, right?
"I'VE changed? Look at you!! You're like Steve's pet or something! You can't think for yourself anymore, you care about what everyone thinks about you! You're altering your whole personality to fit into someone else's! I thought you knew better than that, really."
"You shut up. You shut up right now Jenna."
"Why should I? I mean, this is practically the longest conversation we've had in the past few months! I try and ask you something to get the conversation flowing, but you just fucking blow me off everytime!! So don't try and be so fucking self-righteous alright?! You hurt me too. In more ways than one."
. . . . . . .
*BANG*
And it was over.
How did I know it was over?
I just knew.
I lost my best friend.
My confidante, a friend I thought I would keep for life. But one little bump in the road and she's gone. People change. It's the cycle of life, after all. Could I help it if I had just a wish, a glimmer of hope, that maybe.. maybe Tracy and I wouldn't, and we'd end up friends for life, never changing?
Dreams.
It's all they were, it's all they'll ever be.
- to be continued -
Posted at 08:26 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Monday, January 02, 2006
Tap.. Tap..
Just when I thought I'd breeze through detention, I find myself stuck with a bunch of pervs who tried to sneak in the girl's locker room (which seems typical) and a gay couple making out in the back. Gee, just when I thought things were bad enough getting detention for helping someone else. You would think that kind of thing would get you awarded. Just goes to show how messed up things can be sometimes.
At the same time, I don't understand how it all happened. I'm not even the type of person who would go as far as get into a fight, and what's even more unlikely, is that I did it for a girl who I've never met. But anyone could see that jock was really out of line. I mean, I had to do something, right? Things like that just can't go unnoticed, yet it happens to someone everyday. And most of the time, no ones there to help.
'Aemilia' I mouth her name quietly. There was something about her that was so.. I dunno. I can't seem to find the words to explain her. Why am I even thinking about her?!! It is her fault I'm here wasting away..
How long has it been? DAMMIT!! 10 Minutes?! Am I just a really slow thinker or has time just stopped to piss me off?
.........
Man, that couple's still making out.
THIS SUCKS.
"Hey Vicky, what's up?" I ask as Vicky walks to our table pulling the pencil from his graying hair and looking down to smile at us.
"Not much Johnny, hey, new girl? But I just met the last one a couple of weeks ago!! Gee, pretty quick dontcha think?" Vicky said in disapproval and surprisingly with a hint of awe.
Oh god. I steal a look at Jenna, and I just see her calmly staring out the window, as if she didn't hear anything. "Vicky, just 'coz I have a girlfriend doesn't mean I can't be friends with girls anymore. Anna doesn't rule my life. And Jenna's just a friend, really." I manage to mutter and see that Jenna is looking at me right now, with an expression I can't really specify so I turn back to Vicky.
"Oh, right. Sorry about that." He says and gives Jenna an apologetic look. "So what do you guys wanna have?" Vicky changes the subject and grips his pad paper.
"Well I'll have a cheeseburger, chili fries and a rootbeer, The usual." I say and turn to Jenna.
"I'll have a bacon cheeseburger please and just plain fries. Oh and a Coke." She says to Vicky as we both give her the I-thought-girls-never-ate-anything look.
"What?" She says noticing my expression.
"Nothin'". I say breaking our eye contact.
"Alright kids, I'll be back in a few minutes." Vicky says as he rips the paper and walks over to the counter.
"So." I say.
"So, aren't you going to ask me those annoying 'ice breaker' questions?" She looks at me amusedly, while leaning on the cushioned side of her booth and crossed her arms.
"Wow, that eager huh?" I smirk at her and she raises an eyebrow. "O-k. So. Why'd you move?"
"Umm, my mom got a promotion." She said beginning to play with the salt shaker.
"And your dad was okay with it?" Oh oops. I forgot she told me he ran off.. But I wasn't supposed to know that anyway so I guess it's okay since I'm not j_greene.. "I mean, uhh, what about his job?" I tried to supply. Dammit. She looks so uncomfortable.
"Um.. I never really knew my dad.. My mom said he could never umm, handle being a father, he told her it wasn't the direction he wanted to go.. um, so he left us when my brother was only 5 and I was 6.." She muttered quickly, looking down.
Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Didn't she say he ran off? Well I mean technically, he ran off now, but she pretty much meant ran off with another girl to j_greene. This is all too confusing.
"Oh. I'm sorry." I said flatly.
"So you like to draw huh?" I said trying to change the subject.
I can't believe this.
Was she lying to me or j_greene?
"Yeah.. it's probably one of the only things I can do a bit better than other people." She says shrugging and looking up at me with a hint of a smile.
"A BIT better? You're drawings are awesome." I say smiling and finally letting go of the "dad" thing, for the meanwhile at least.
"How nice of you to comment about how, what was it-- Demented? My bunnies were." She says smiling and pretending to think really hard.
Just then Vicky comes with our orders, the strong aroma of unhealthy 'junk' food filling the air. Just the way I like it. I thought and looked across at Jenna who was hungrily eyeing her bacon cheeseburger as the plate was being put down before her.
"Mmm, I'm starting to think you were right about this place. This looks really good." She says, happily reaching over to get the ketchup.
I looked around the diner. It was a pretty small place, simple, and predominantly black, white and red. It's been a part of my life here, tons of memories took place here, it's almost like a second home for me.
There were actually a lot of people I recognized from Westmount. Most of them were jocks and cheerleaders though, with their dad's credit cards and whatnot. I noticed a couple of cool seniors though, twins, Matt and Billy Harrison, with a couple of more seniors that I don't know by name. I wonder what happened to their band? I asked myself as they began laughing hard about something. Their band, The Lost Marbles, were usually the band we'd team up with during gigs and stuff. They were always fun to have around.
I talked more to Jenna about random things, mostly about music and bands, but it seemed the more she talked about herself, the more interested I became in her. Talking to her made everyone else seem.. well, unimportant and everything was pointless unless I was with her. And even though I was still bothered about her dad, I couldn't resist having a great time with her.
It's hard to explain the feeling you get when you've been surrounded by so many different people that you supposedly know well, yet when you meet a specific person or a bunch of awesome people, you get this refreshing and genuine feeling of exhilaration. That's how I felt when I met my band, that's exactly how I felt with her.
"Well um, thanks again for the meal. It was..." I began to say.
"Was....?" Johnny looked at me with amusement.
"Strangely fun." I say finally, after some thought. That was exactly how it seemed. Strangely fun.
"Yeah." He says smiling. For a moment, I almost got lost into those forest green eyes, I could see hints of teal around them, that made it look somewhat aquamarine.. but I knew better than to come off as desperate or even lustful. Ahem.
"Well I better get go-"
"I have one last annoying icebreaker question for you Jenna Lane." He let go of the wheel for a moment and put his hands on his thighs. And looked at me deeply, as if searching for something.
"W-well.. uhh... what is it?" I said starting to feel inferior as his eyes burned through my skin. It's amazing, the power those things can contain. Hah. I finally brought myself to look back at them when he suddenly leans over, still failing to look away.
"Are we friends now?" He says softly, his breath tickling my face. God, it's intoxicating. He's intoxicating. He smiles again, and I would've suffocated if I hadn't remembered to inhale again.
"I think we are." I managed to say smiling. Today was absolutely awesome. I began to open the car door when I turned around once more. He was still looking at me, and god, everytime I looked at his eyes I felt like he was sending me these subliminal messages that I couldn't fully understand yet. Keyword here, yet.
"It was great.. thanks for taking me to Vicky's.. that caramel mallow sundae was truly awesome.. um, listen, I know you would've preferred to take Anna.. but-"
"Anna? Oh." For a second there, he looked like he completely forgot about her, but then smirks at me before saying, "Are you suggesting that you wanna comfort little old me?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Oh god! Never mind!!" I started laughing and got out the car. "Thanks again!" I said bending over so I could look at those pools of green one more time. "Anytime Jenna." And drove off.
I slowly walked up to the front porch and noticed a silver Audi and a graphite BMW sedan parked in the driveway. Ah, mom's home early and Dave got out of detention. I thought happily as I pulled out the keys and opened the front door.
I had such a great time with Johnny, but something troubling popped into my head. Was I getting way over myself? I mean, I don't want to get too involved with Johnny.. umm, emotionally. I mean, this was like, the first time I really spent time with him despite our little meetings at school. I don't want to end up like Tracy and Steve.. I mean, I dunno... I'll just take this one step at a time.
"Jenna dear, come in the kitchen!! The food's ready!" I hear my mom say from the kitchen. I begin walking towards the kitchen as muffled laughs of Dave and my mom get louder.
"Hi bro, hi mom." I greet them warmly and sit at the table. Mmm, spaghetti and meatballs.
"Hey Jenna." My brother says before stuffing his mouth with a forkful of spaghetti.
"How was detention?" I ask only to be answered by a groan. "That bad huh?" I replied laughing.
"You know David, I still don't understand how you can get in trouble for saving someone's life!" My mom says with disbelief.
"I think you're exaggerating mom." I said amused by her reaction.
"Why Jenna dear, you haven't touched anything yet. Eat! Come on, Dave helped make the noodles." Mom encourages.
"Nah mom, that's ok. I just ate." I told her, almost allowing a smile to creep into my face.
"Ohh, that explains why you're home late then! Did you have fun?" She looks genuinely interested. Dave just keeps eating. Men!
"Yeah I did.. Hey mom, would it be okay if I excused myself from dinner? Since I ate and all.." I yawned. Today was pretty tiring you know.. having to sit around all day and pretend to listen.. It can take a lot of energy out of you, seriously!
"Oh, sure dear. Go ahead." She smiles warmly. I love my mom.
"Thanks mom. I'll be in my room if you need me." I say getting up and giving her a hug. I ruffle Dave's hair on the way too. He hates it, and I love doing it.
"Arghh! Jenna!" He screams, his mouth still full of meatballs and spaghetti.
I was laughing all the way up the stairs, and then sigh. What I need is a warm shower and a visit to my favorite place........
Welcome to LetsRockToday where everyone is stickin' it to the man. Please observe proper chatting ettiquete and remember, Rock 'n' Roll will save your soul!! This week's news :
Posted at 03:18 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Saturday, October 29, 2005
***
Chapter 10
A Fine Afternoon
"So it was a rough night,
It's just you and me now, feels right.
I hold your hand, we escape into another land,
In a place, I've never been before.
We kiss and I never wanted anything more
"Woooaaahhh! woahoah!!!
The sun and the stars are all we have,
As we begin our new lives
Just the thought of you gives me..
An internal dive..
"I--"
"Nice song. Bad singing though.." A voice surprises me from behind. I sit up on the hood to see that it was Johnny standing beside Dave's car. The weirdo.
The weirdo who's wearing a gray shirt and looks really good in it.
NO!
"Uh, what do you want?" I ask.
"Do I always have to want something from you Jenna? Can't I just.. be here, just to talk.. become better friends with you?" He said as he moved closer to me. Or the car.. which ever.
" 'Better'? I don't remember becoming friends with you." I answered. Hah. take that.
"Ouch. Fine then. I wonder what people have to do to formally 'become' friends with you.. Have a blood pact perhaps?"
"Gee, no wonder girls can't resist you. You're so charming and witty." I replied stone-faced.
"No need to get all hostile. So what's a girl like you doing here all alone after school?" He asks leaning on the side of the car.
"My brother got detention today, so I have to wait for him." I answered pathetically.
"Oh. Sucks for you." He shrugs and looks past the parking lot.
"Uhh.. might I ask you what you're doing here, since you're so much better than me?" Thinks he's so cool..
"I'm waiting for my girlfriend. We were supposed to go to Vicky's to grab something and I dunno.. waste the afternoon." He answered shrugging and stared at the ground.
"Oh gee.. sounds like fun." I tried to supply as his phone began ringing.
"Excuse me a minute alright?" He tells me as he turns around and answers the phone's persistent ringing as I nod and lie back down on the hood. "Hello?"
"Oh, hey Anna.. what? Oh, you can't? What project? With Gina? Yeah that's alright I guess... I'll be okay.. I'll find something else to do then. No it's okay. Okay, talk to you later, Bye..."
"Well then," He turns to me as he puts the phone back into his pocket, "Scratch what I just said, I have nothing to do on this fine afternoon." He says in a suddenly tired voice.
"What's wrong? Afraid of being away from your girlfriend for more than 10 hours?" I replied. He's more of a loser than I thought.
"No.. it's not that." He scratches his head for a few seconds and looks up, "It's hard to explain but screw it, wanna go to Vicky's anyway? Since we both have time to kill..? To BECOME friends?" He looked at me with those brilliantly green eyes, his voice almost begging I go. What about Dave? I thought.
"Detention doesn't get out 'til another million hours, trust me." He replied as if reading my mind.
"I guess that would be okay.. Isn't that where the preps hang out at though?" I asked. I have never really.. been to a diner. Not here at least. And the fact that I hate the people who hang out there doesn't help much either.
"Yeah they do hang there, but man.. he's got the best chili fries and hot caramel mallow sundaes in the world." He smiled. And don't even get me started on the smile.
"Well then I better check out this caramel mallow sundae, though I don't feel like you're right on that one..." I said as I smiled and got off the hood of the car and began walking away with Johnny.
'This should be interesting.' I said to myself as I was walking beside Johnny to the other side of the parking lot. I wish it was j_greene instead though..
~
'Man, I wanna tell her already...But I can't.. it'll ruin everything..' I looked at her staring straight into the almost-sunset, thinking deeply about something.. I smiled and stared off into the horizon... of the parking lot. JM8875... Oh, there it is.
"Whoa. THIS is your car?" She gapes at the black car in front of us. "This is a 1970's classic!!"
"Yeah, it's a Dodge Challenger, but uh, it seem's you already know that." I say as she walks closer and touches the car.
"This is incredible. Did it cost a fortune?" She asks. She's into cars too?
"Kinda, this model was hard to find though. And I've been saving a lot so.." I scratch my neck and shrug. "C'mon, let's get going." I say as she looks at me and the car back and forth, itching to ride it.
"So what do you feel like listening to right now?" I asked when we were finally settled in.
"Hmm.. do you have any Operation Ivy?"
"Good choice." I say as I pop in Operation Ivy's Lint Rides Again cd as the song Yellin' In My Ear blares through the speakers.
"Ah. Awesome song." She says smiling and bops her head to the beat.
"So.. do I have your approval yet?"
"Almost. But you're getting closer." She says smiling as I pull away from the parking lot.
***
Posted at 08:21 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Thursday, October 06, 2005
***
- Chapter 9 -
Things have changed quite a bit since I admitted to myself my true feelings about Johnny. It's weird, but I've become more conscious about what he says and I tend to overanalyze. A lot. I always get too excited whenever I see him online & when we talk, I get this intense feeling of happiness that I just can't put into words..
"Thinking about him again?" Mona looked at me. Oops?
"Oh. Did I space out for that long?" I asked.
"Jenna, you've been spaced out all week." Andy said skeptically.
I lay down on the field, our usual lunch spot and gave a loud sigh. These things get so complicated..
"Why don't you just tell him already?" Jean asked. As you can see, I had told them the whole story.
"I can't just go and ruin the friendship like that.. it's selfish." I told them.
"And how do you know he doesn't feel the same way? I bet that was the reason why he sent you that 3 Doors Down song. I mean, those lyrics were just way too appropriate just be an accident." Mona reasoned.
"That's true, Jenna." Jean and Andy agreed.
"I suppose I should.." I said defeatedly.
"Should what?" Jack said as he and Martin arrived and sat on the grass beside me and Mona.
"WHAT is it with you guys and butting in!" Jean said annoyed.
"It's a talent." Jack said proudly and I seemed to be the only one who laughed.
"See, at least Jenna has a sense of humor. It's a good thing you came to Westmount you know.. People are just too-" Jack tried to say, but Andy threw her cupcake at him icing first, giving him a large blue blob on his forehead. Mona was laughing so hard she didn't notice the milk Martin squirted at her was all over her face.
"YOU ASSHOLE!" Mona managed to choke out as she threw her mashed potatoes at Martin.
Thus, the food fight began.
Since it started to get messy, we were all running around throwing food. Jack began to chase me with spaghetti and cupcake chunks, but after a few seconds, I lost breath and had to stop and hide somewhere. It's pathetic how bad I am at sports. Really.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" Spaghetti filled my mouth and was smeared across my face. Jack had obviously spotted me and attacked from behind. We wrestled as I tried to smear what was left of my mashed potato on his hair.
"Stop!! Stop!!! I give up!!!" I screamed.
Whoa. Wait a minute. What just happened? Jack was on top of me on the grass, smiling devilishly. For some reason, I began to see him, like really see him. He smelled of.. well, he smelled of mashed potato now that I was done with him, but there was a hint of peppermint. Damn this intoxicating mashed potato peppermint scent. His bright blue eyes were staring straight at my boring brown ones, and they looked so deep.. so full of meaning. He breathed heavily still recovering from our little sprint as his jet black and blueish hair was messily fixed on his head. I looked down at his lips.. his labret piercing, his left lip pierce, his--
"Well, this is certainly awkward.. in an entertaining way of course. We should head back and get all those noodles out of your hair." He smiled and got off me, helping me up afterwards. We walked together laughing as we saw Mona ontop of Martin, a triumphant look on her face for Martin was full of mystery meat, milk and jello.
So much for that awkward position.
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"Hey baby... come here.."
"I'm not one of your toys Rob, leave me alone."
"Oh please, you know you want me.."
Crash. [body pushed against lockers]
"L-let go off me you.. you!!!
"Are you scared of aggression? Of being this close to a guy? Don't think I haven't noticed you looking at me during class Caphis.."
"Apparently your ego was bigger than I thought.. I would never look at a cliche wannabe like you. Get off me!!"
"Hey leave the girl alone!!!!" I ran and pushed the guy away from the girl. 'What the hell are you doing? You don't even know these two!' I thought as moved towards the guy.
"Piss off reject! You should know better than to mess with me!" He answered.
"Maybe you're right. But from what I already know, you're a big-headed, horny ass-wipe who can't piss off this girl's business. Am I right?" I smirked. That oughta get to him..
"Why you..." Those were his last words. Since he jumped on me and we began fighting of course.
I was busy punching his face in to realize I was being pulled away from that poor guy. He had it coming anyway..
"Mr. Lane, I hope you don't think I WON'T put this in your file, because I most DEFINITELY will." Principle Walters said maliciously as he grabbed my arm and began taking me to the direction of his office.
"Mr. Walters! I-it wasn't his fault! It was Rob's fault. I mean, let me explain. Please." The girl tried to reason with him and to my surprise, he stopped and looked at her. I took this opportunity to look at the girl who I "defended". She was Asian, with long jet black hair, she dressed conservatively, a dark sweater and gray pants. She was skinny and pale -- I was intrigued with her appearance.. like I've never seen someone who looked so interesting before.
"Uhhh.. wait! Mr. Walters please. I was walking to class and Rob attempted to forcefully make me.. well.. kiss him and well Dave here, helped me get away from him. If he weren't here to stop Rob from doing an unjust and shameful act, who knows what might have happened. I know it is a quite petty problem Mr. Walters, but please, the only fault Dave has in this was trying to get me away from Rob. Which can hardly be considered a fault, but a good deed."
Whoa. She knows my name? Okay, that's a stupid reaction. What do you expect? I'm a guy.
"If what you're saying is true Ms. Caphis, then I will only grant Mr. Lane one week's worth of detention." Principal Walters replies after some time to think. I sigh as the girl's face brightens slightly as she glances at me and begins to walk away.
"Well okay then-"
"Ms. Caphis, one moment. I'm aware that you have been a good student of Westmount High, contributing greatly to the arts and crafts department. I am also aware that you have nothing against you in your file, so to lie about this incident will cause your records to go from exceptional to extremely dismal."
"I understand Principal Walters and I assure you, nothing of what I said is untrue." She said defiantly.
"Well in that case, Mr. Lane you may attend your next class but please remember to report to detention after your last period. I will inform Ms. Escalus that you will be attending detention for the whole of this week. Don't let me catch you beating up other students, understand?" Principal Walters looked at me sternly and I stared at his shiny bald head walk away and turn into the next hallway.
"Yessir." I said as I turned around and faced the girl.
"Well, well. Should I thank you now "Ms. Caphis", for giving me a week's worth of detention?" I smirked and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Excuse me? It could've been a month for all you know!" She replied annoyedly.
"Oh alright. Thank you for saving my life." I said sarcastically..
"Hey wait a minute. How'd you know my name anyway?" I asked. Now THIS I wanted to know.
"Oh, um. I've seen you around that's all. I heard your name." She said as she began to walk away quicklyto her next class but I caught up with her again.
"And am I supposed to follow you around until I hear your name or are you going to tell me what it is?"
"Aemilia Caphis." She smiled. Looking at her pale face, it seemed that she had a lot to hide.. Her stuttering and her hesitation made it seem like she was almost.. afraid. Weird, I thought. It's like she's plain on the outside but there's more on the inside.. Too much for a first impression I suppose.. I guess that's just how she looked to me.
"Aemilia? That's a very.. unusual name." I said in reply.
"Yes well.. if it's too odd for you to take, you may call me Lily."
"Lily it is." I smiled as we reached the end of the hall and went our separate ways.
It may have been the first time I've seen her in Westmount, but hopefully not the last. What was my class again? Oh, right. Chemistry.
SHIT!
***
Posted at 07:31 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Saturday, September 10, 2005
***
- Chapter Eight -
"Evening miss.. Just here to buy my favorite daughter a gift for her birthday."
"Barbie's are a good choice sir. That'll be $20 sir." The cashier lady replied.
"Really? I never thought it would cost that much.. y'see, I never bought her these girly things. Wanted her to grow up strong, so I bought her a wagon. She hated me for it at first, but after a while she loved it. I thought I was doin' the right thing until her classmates at school made fun of her.. Told her she was a tomboy, see. Then she asked for one of those things, so I thought I'd make up for old times, see." Benjamin Lane explained.
"Oh, I see. Well sir, I'm sure she'll love this as much as she did her wagon." The cashier lady smiled.
"Thank you ma'am." Ben said as paid the $20 he left the store. Cold night.. best I get to the car quickly.. he thought, as he began to pick up the pace towards the red SUV.
"HEY MAN!!! Ya got some? What's that in the bag? Ya got stash my man? Huh?" a junkie asked. Tattered, worn out clothes that he probably just picked up from the trash, skin stained with dirt and blood from his wounds. His hair was messed up and he smelled foul, it was clear that he'd been a bum for quite some time now.
"Sorry, you must have me mistaken for the wrong person.."
"WHAT? You don't have my stash?! I paid 5 grand for that you motherfucker!!" The drug-addict pulled out a gun and pointed it at the man's head.
"It's just a doll for my daughter! Please don't hurt me! I don't have what you want!"
"You don't know a goddam thing 'bout what I want, you fucker!"
BANG.
I woke up in the middle of the night suddenly.. drenched with cold sweat, shivering though there's no wind.. I looked around to make sure, to confirm that it wasn't real.. I had another one of them. I suppose I should get used to these things. These Nightmares. A gun shot, cars screeching.. I saw him again. I turn to my pillow, the closest witness to this vulnerability I have been trying to hide all these years.. Tears filled with regret drain my sense away, and I feel like a 6 year old once more.. Dave heard me from his room and came in, suddenly overwhelmed at the sight. I was never good at hiding my feelings.
"Jenna, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked urgently, filled with concern. "It was my fault!" I screamed to him. "It was my fault he's gone!! I wanted it so badly!! I hated him for it. I HATED HIM. It was so useless, and yet I wouldn't take no for an answer.. He went out to get it for me on my 7th birthday. I could've stopped him, I could've changed everything. He would still be alive. Dave, he would've been alive!" I bawled to him. "It wasn't your fault Jenna. It was that junkie's fault.. It's okay.. It wasn't your fault." Dave held me in his arms. I felt protected, safe again.. I couldn't take this.. this guilt. It never would've been this way if I hadn't.. tried to.. conform. All I wanted, was a barbie.. Just one god damned barbie and it changed my life forever.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's hard to wake up,
When the shades have been pulled shut.
I'm ripe with things to say,
The words rot and fall away..
What stupid poem could fix this home,
I'd read it everyday.
I think about Jenna a lot.. Even more these days, since I finally see her in person. But whenever I think about her, eventually my thoughts go back to that day. The day I asked her about the wagon. Seeing as she snapped at me so quickly goes to show she was hiding something. I'll find out why, I don't believe that bullshit about her dad running off. It's more than that, I just know. I know I could be wrong, but something inside me is telling me otherwise.
Ah, there he is.
"Hold on Steve, gotta talk to Marcus." I said to Steve, and walked away to Marcus. He was drinking from a water fountain while I walked over to him and leaned on the wall beside.
"Hey Marcus." I said coolly as he choked on his water.
"Dammit Johnny, stop scaring me like that." Marcus said.
"Couldn't help it. Hey, I need help with something man." I laughed but still looked serious.
"What's up brotha?" He joked.
"I need you to tell me more about the new kids. Meaning that Jenna girl. What do you know?" I asked as I crossed my arms.
"Oh? Uh.."
"Come on man just tell me!!!"
"Well..." began Marcus, "I met them over the summer coz they live on the other end of the street.. Name's Jenna Lane, and her brother's Dave. They're pretty cool. I hang with her brother most of the time, we go to the skate park and stuff, and from what I know his sister usually stays at home in front of her computer chair.. Oh, except those times we go to those gigs and stuff. Yeah, she's pretty hot huh? Hey, why are you so curious about her anyway?" He said.
"Ok thanks-"
"It was you wasn't it? You did it?" A female voice said from behind me. I turned around to see it was Mona Flaire looking quite... pissed off.
"Huh? Uh, did what?" I knew what she meant. I'm not that stupid.
"The cd. You put it in her locker!! What kind of crap are you trying to pull off this time Johnny?! Just stick to your fuckin' groupie okay? She's not like that!!" She said angrily.
"I KNOW she's not like that okay!! Just calm down Mona, I just wanna get to know her. She seems cool." I said defensively.
"Oh please!" Mona said sarcastically.
"Mona, just let him do his thing, he hasn't hurt anyone yet. Aside from the hearts of half the population here, consisting of females and homos." He said. That moron..
"Whatever. I'm not going along with this alright?!" Mona said exasperatedly.
"Mona, please. Just don't tell her anything okay? I'll do it on my own, but I don't want you to ruin it. Can I trust you?" I begged.
"... Oh alright. But if something goes wrong, I'm going straight to her." She said, defeated.
"Thank you!" I hugged her tightly, knowing it would bug her.. She pushed me away fiercely.
"Don't push it Johnny. Your groupie's on the loose and I don't wanna get caught." She joked.
"Don't remind me.." I groaned. Seeing Anna right now will completely ruin my plan.
"Gotta go guys, see ya later!" I began to walk away. Can't wait another day, I gotta talk to her now..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hmm. Nice sketching. Shading's a bit overdone though. Are bunnies that demented?" A voice broke my concentration.
"Excuse me?? Please mind your own business." I kept my drawing in my bag, not bothering to see who it was, all I knew was that it was a guy.. or a girl with an insanely low voice.
"Just thought I'd give you some advice... Oh alright, let's start over. I'm Johnny." He gave me a smile, I jumped a heartbeat.
"You're name's Johnny?" I turned and asked, just to make sure I heard right.
"Yeeaahh, Johnny Madden. Jenna, am I right?" He asked. I noticed how his bright green eyes seemed to twinkle.. What is with this guy..
"How'd you know my name?" I asked, suddenly skeptical. He sat beside me on the grass. He was wearing a black Casualties shirt, and brown cargos.. and messy hair trying to get out of the beanie he was wearing.. Okay fine. So he's hot. He still had bad manners.
"I got my sources.." He winked. I snorted.
"Fine, snort. But just so you know--" He got up but bent towards my left ear. "That drawing was really cool." His voice was soft but low, as if trying to hint something more than what he just said.. His breath tickled my ear, giving me an internal shudder. I turned around to see if he was still there, but he was already walking away.
"Hey Jenna." Jean and Andy came and sat down beside me, both smiling widely.
"Hey." I said in reply. "....... Okay what's up, those smiles are starting to freak me out."
"Saw you talking to Johnny Madden." Andy said proudly.
"So you like seniors, huh?" Jean teased.
"Whoa, whoa. Whoever thought we would engage in, what's the word... oh, right. GOSSIP." I said sarcastically.
"Oh come on Jen. So we hate society. Doesn't mean we've become heartless wenches, not to everyone at least. So what did he want?" Andy asked as she took a bite out of her sandwich.
"Ha. Ha. I was just drawing, minding my OWN business and he just butts in and tells me my shading's off." I said, still slightly shaken from that whisper thing.
"Aww how sweet." Jean said sarcastically.
"He's so hot though, isn't he?" Andy commented.
"REALLY hot." Jean commented next. They both looked at me, expecting feedback.
"Whoa, am I with the same people here?" I said and feigned worry.
"Oh come on Jenna. Admit it." Jean said as she and Andy began talking about this gig coming up. Okay so he was really really good-looking. Not exactly the whole chiseled face crap, though his features are very distinct. He seemed like the nerdy-cool-type Oh god.. I am so not going to think about this. HE JUST TOLD YOU YOUR DRAWING WAS WEIRD. Oh wait, he said it was cool. whaaaat... oh never mind.
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-jennasredwagon has entered the chatroom-
diabolical-emily : Could we have anything more in common?! Okay one more and I give up. Twisted Sister?
j_greene : lol. How could I not? hey jenna.. :)
jennasredwagon : hello..
diabolical-emily : okay. wow. some sort of connection huh? :)
j_greene : yeap.. One more? QuickTurn?
diabolical-emily : Are you kidding me?! They're like the best band! Guess what, I saw their show in Minnesota!
j_greene : WHAT.
diabolical-emily : I did!! I swear!
j_greene : no way.
diabolical-emily : wayyy. :)
jennasredwagon : i'm gonna go now... later j.
-exited chatroom-
Okay, I don't understand what just happened. I was overcome by emotion and just angrily left the chatroom. It's not like he can't talk to any other girl or something, jeez. Why am I reacting like this? Is it really.. jealousy? About what? It's not like I have feelings for Johnny.. Do I? Uggghhhh..
Oh god, it's been confirmed. I do have feelings for Johnny. I mean, why else would I get so affected by diabolical-emily? When I think about it, he's on my mind pretty often. I mean, it's weird but I can point almost anything out and relate it to Johnny.. Does that make sense? And seeing him online gives me such a strange, happy feeling.. it automatically makes my day. Wait, wait. This can't work. It won't. Online relationships? No. I don't want it to happen.. And why am I suddenly jumping to conclusions? I mean, what made me even THINK he remotely liked me in that way? Hah hah. And I wonder why my brother calls me a moron.
***
Posted at 04:37 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Photoshop, yipee!
*gasp!* who's the cooler best friend?
so typically preppy..
^ Nice, but annoying? I wanted her to look pretty decent, but you could still imagine she could have different motives.. ;)
Lots of others to come (like chapter 8) but I hope you like these pictures.. Did they fit your idea of them?
Posted at 08:17 am by whatshername88
Permalink
Sunday, August 28, 2005
***
- Chapter seven -
I got an e-mail from Johnny a week ago, apologizing for the message with the lyrics... He sincerely told me how it was an honest accident, but somehow I still don't believe that's truly the reason why. I might have mistook it for something else though, and I guess he's the only one who knows the true meaning of that message.. At the same time, I'm really grateful that we can set this issue aside for a while.
"Welcome to LetsRockToday, where everyone is stickin' it to the man. Please observe proper chatting ettiquete and remember, Rock 'n' Roll will save your soul!! This week's news : A newly signed indie/rock band called The Sweeps will be playing this Sunday at a club called Illusion, on the corner of Christon Street. Be there at about 7. For more details, please visit thesweeps.com. See you guys there!"
Green, as usual. Hope he's here...
preshuzzangel00 : so waht bands do u lyk? ar you lyk a musichian? coz i only d8 musichians.
j_greene : mostly indie, punk, metal and ska.. the usual stuff i guess.
preshuzzangel00 : ar you in a band?
j_greene : yeah..
preshuzzangel00 : gr8!!!
rockerchick4lyf : realllly j_greene? ur a guy ryt? ASL PLEASE!
j_greene : um, yes i'm a guy.
*private message from j_greene*
j_greene : hey jenna,
jennasredwagon : hey..
j_greene : so how are you? umm, did you get the e-mail I sent?
jennasredwagon : yeah s'all cool. :)
j_greene : great.. :)
jennasredwagon : j_greene, i need you to help me.
j_greene : sure, what is it?
jennasredwagon : okay. my green highlights are starting to fade, so i need to re-dye them. What do you think, blue or neon green?
j_greene : lol! I like green. hence the 'greene'
jennasredwagon : i thought so.
j_greene : what about you? why'd you choose 'redwagon'? Is there some sort of story behind it? I mean, I don't think you just used it for no reason, right?
.........
j_greene : jenna? you don't have to tell me if you don't want to you know..
Oh boy.. I knew this was going to happen eventually.. It's all coming back now, tears were slowly starting to block my eyesight. I close my eyes slowly.. trying to get a grip on myself, but remembering him.. Dad. He'd always wanted two sons, but I obviously came out otherwise.. He was so proud of Dave, and it's not like he completely hated me or anything, but he still tried to treat me like the other son he'd always wanted. He never bought me dolls, or tea sets or any of those toys all little girls had. Instead of those barbies and those toy cooking sets, I had gotten a wagon. It was a medium-sized red wagon, a Radio Flyer. I hated him for it. For not accepting me for who I was, for making me feel like I was never going to be good enough for him. He saw the disappointment all over my face and tried to convince me that wagons were so much more useful than dolls.. because I could put anything I wanted in it, and I could take it anywhere I wanted to. Then it started to grow on me.. I grew to love it..
But then.. No. I can't tell Johnny all of this. No one would understand.. No one.
j_greene : jen? you're starting to scare me a bit over here.. are you okay?
jennasredwagon : yeah sorry. uh, had to take a phone call. About the wagon, it was just something my dad gave me before he ran off.
j_greene : are you sure? you wanna talk about it? you can tell me you know...
jennasredwagon : GEEZ johnny! what the fuck do you want!!! some sappy, pathetic tragedy of a stupid wagon? Just drop it okay?
j_greene : okay, okay. sorry.
jennasreadwagon : it's fine. anyway i gotta go re-dye my hair. talk to you soon.
j_greene : okay. bye..
jennasredwagon : bye.
"JENNA! Come downstairs!!" A muffled voice from the bottom of the stairs screamed.
"Okay mom!! Coming!" I said as I turned off the computer and started making my way downstairs.
"Jenna dear, could you help me make this pie?" She asked excitedly, although it was more of an order than a question. oh well. Wait a minute.. mom. make. a pie. huh?
"Mom! You don't even cook! what makes you think you can make a pie?!" I said skeptically.
"Hey! You're forgetting that time I made you guys cookies!" She said defensively.
"Mother, you're forgetting it was ready-made dough." I said raising my eyebrows.
"True.. Now what do we need-" She squints down at the recipe book reciting the ingredients..
Olivia Lane was usually busy over the duration of the week, trying to provide for the family. Although she was usually swarmed with stress due to work, she still remained beautiful, having deep hazel eyes, wavy auburn hair and soft features. She's been through a lot over the past years, and she is clearly a strong, independent woman.
"Moooom, I have to go re-dye my hair.. why don't you just call me when you're having a hard time, okay? I asked. I wasn't too good at cooking anyway..
"Sure Jenna.. that sounds fine.." Olivia replied.. still highly preoccupied with the recipe.
I go up the stairs again to my room, painted seafoam green but bombarded with the things I considered important.. band stuff (posters, flyers, cds.. you get the idea), sketches, my computer, books and then I see it... Red paint peeling off the edges, rust was obviously visible in many parts.. Off-white words due to age spelled out R dio Fly r. It was my wagon.. It was THE wagon. I hadn't really paid attention to it all these years, because it would overwhelm me with the emotions I so forcefully kept from everyone.. I walk over to it and wipe the dust off on the left corner, I remembered I wrote something on it before.. I just couldn't remember what.. JENNA AND DAVE'S ROKKETSHIP. I remembered now.. It's been so long.. I couldn't bear to keep it in the garage, it just didn't belong there. It was connected to me for more than 10 years, I couldn't just keep it there like a piece of junk that would so easily be forgotten. I don't think he'd want me to forget..
Just then the doorbell rang.. I woke up to reality, feeling emptier than I had already felt when I talked to Johnny.. I couldn't tell him this. It's too personal and he wouldn't understand anyway. I heard low voices coming from downstairs.. I guess Dave and Marcus are here.. I thought as I got my bottle of green hair dye and entered my bathroom..
Marcus is my brother's best friend here in San Francisco.. They met over the summer, because Marcus just lives on the other end of the block. I seem him in our house pretty often but I'm cool with it since he's a good guy. He likes to wear boy/girl band shirts, so he's really funny that way.. He tried homeschooling for the start of the school year, just 'coz he was curious even if he's been at Westmount High almost his whole life.. Strange one, Marcus.. But he and Dave get along so well...
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I walk into the hallway sleepily, man, last night gig was awesome.. I thought as I began replaying the thoughts in my head as I continued walking..
"Baby, We need to talk. I mean those goddam GROUPIES were all over you yesterday! What the fuck is with that!! I mean, they should've got the hint when I made out with you in the back. Jeez. Those sluts."
I look at Anna skeptically. What a hypocrite. Has she already forgotten that a month ago they were her best friends? Just because she's my girlfriend now everyone else becomes.. lower than her? I don't know who she thinks she is. Whatever.. I try to ignore Anna's useless rants which she happens to consider so damn important and play with my tongue ring instead..
"Move it losers!! Can't you see where we're going?!" Anna said angrily at two people as they passed by..
"Whatever groupie. Go make out or something." One of the girls replied, I recognized her as Mona Flaire, one of my good friends.. until Anna came along. I laughed to myself at the witty comment as Anna tried to redeem herself with a crappy comeback..
"Well at least I dont umm.. look like I bled all over my hair!" Man, she doesn't know what she's doing.. The two girls left but only after I saw a flash of neon green.
Neon green.. could it really be her? What, no. Westmount?
I stop walking and continue to stare at the pair laughing hard about something..
"Baby? Johnny? Hello!!" Anna waved her hands in front of me.
"You go ahead. I forgot something in the car." I slowly walked towards them, keeping my distance so I would go unnoticed. If it really is her, she's gorgeous.. She dressed casually, Band tee, cargos and chucks.. she looked really.. well, hot. Compared to the other girls whose mottos were 'beauty is pain' and forced themselves into wearing these tiny pieces of cloth just so guys would get into their pants, Jenna was beautiful.
"Jenna!!! How lovely to see my best friends sister so cheerful." Marcus said as he arrived with Dave and slapped her on the back.
Wait. WHAT?! Marcus knows her?! Marcus???? And Dave! The new guy!! What the-- holy shit. The worlds too small.
I was suprised, sure as hell. But I was also suddenly so happy. This was my chance. I could finally be with her, or at least be her friend. But how? I thought more about it was I passed them and got a cd from my car.. I won't tell her I'm j_greene, not yet. I want to know if she's the REAL Jenna around me, and on the net. I just need to know.. If I never do, then all my feelings for her are useless..
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I walk to my locker to put in the books I needed a while ago and wait for Mona to come so we can go to lunch.. I turn the lock and I open my locker. What the--
A cd? I don't remember having this.. The Sweeps? Sweeps... Why do they sound so familar? Who put this in here!!! No one knows this combination.. I look around, but I'm one of the few who are out early for lunch and most of them are on the other side of the hallway.. Okay, calm down.. I'll listen to it when I get home.. S'all cool.. It's a cd, not a bomb..
"Hey." Mona greeted as she arrived, putting her books in her locker.
"Mona, did you put this in?" I asked her, just to be sure..
"Cd? Nope.. I dunno your locker combination.. What band is it?" She asked, now facing me.
"Uh, The Sweeps?" I said uncertainly and still a bit shaken..
"Oh." She said turning away and pre-occupying herself with her jacket zipper.
"What? What is it?" I asked urgently..
"Nothing, just listen to the cd.. they're good. Maybe your brother put it in.."
"Yeah, I guess so.." I said leaving it in my locker and walk with Mona..
"So what's for lunch?" Mona asked and we began thinking about possibilities...
"Mystery meat and gross green stuff." A low voice came from behind..
"Hey Martin." Mona and I greeted him as he began walking with us..
"Hey Mona. Heey Jenna." Martin said as smilled widely.
"So it's seriously the green gross stuff again?" I asked suddenly losing my appetite..
"Yup.. with yellow seasoning on top." He winked at me and we started laughing.
"Yipee. I can't wait." Mona said as she feigned excitement and we started laughing again.
***
Posted at 06:56 am by whatshername88
Permalink
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